Ottawa's merry prankster of cable mayhem past returns to assuage his grape Kool Aid drinking
legions at Yuk Yuk's tonight. But anyone expecting physical and mental assault from crazy ol'
Tom Green, may be sadly disappointed.
"I'm old now, turning forty next month. It's not the same as when I was twenty-five. I have words
of wisdom to impart now. I don’t think anyone gives a crap about what you have to say until you’re
at least thirty. If you're twenty-five year and think I care what you have to say, you got another
thing coming. I've been there. I've seen twenty-five. It's not pretty. All these twenty-five year
olds walking around thinking they are soooo cooool! Well guess what man, you don’t know anything!"
Sounds like dad talking. Indeed, there will be no animal violations on stage, just a grumpy old
guy talking into the mic, ruminating on the present dehumanizing digital age.
"I'm gonna kill Facebook," Green claims, as he checks his iPhone. What a two-faced liar. Upon
further scrutiny, it is determined that there lies a massive lust-on for all things solid state:
the iPad, YouTube, the internet, and of course Twitter. Tom’s a twit, even though he tries to hide
under a phony, mature beard. "I've had two people tell me today that I look like a young Eric
Clapton." He's wrong, Green looks like present day Eric Clapton. It's uncanny.
Back to the Twitting thing, Green claims to have broken the news of Osama Bin Laden's death.
"The media said that The Rock did it, but it was me. He never said what actually happened, I was
the first, and get absolutely no credit from the media for it. The bastards. This was the biggest
news story of the last fifty years, you can check the time of my Twitter post: 10:27pm. Before
CNN, Time magazine, anyone. Thank you very much."
Tom's getting riled up. He still has a fire inside, though it could be the fast food he devours
before our chat.
"I have a very sensitive stomach."
Stand up is his domain now, coming back full circle back into the comic womb. Radio, cable access
television, MTV, Hollywood, Internet, sleeping with Hollywood starlets (well, at least one) –
it's been a whirlwind ride. Will Tom Green evolve into the next Jerry Seinfeld, or implode like
"You should be able to say whatever you want on stage, but in this day and age, someone is going
to record it, and post it. You can't get away with stuff that, say, George Carlin or Bill Hicks
might have gotten away with back in the day."
Possible implosion plays twice tonight at seven and nine … news at eleven.
(Yuk Yuk's - Ottawa)